A storytelling exercise became deeply uncomfortable. Should I have intervened?
This is the third edition of a new project I’m calling “the Brand Ethicist”. I’m answering reader questions on moral dilemmas in the brand + impact space. Share yours at hello@brandthechange.org - I treat them confidentially unless you specify that you want your name publicly posted.
Note: This edition mentions sexual assault and abuse which could be upsetting for some readers.
Dear Anne,
Years ago, I attended a storytelling course. One of my fellow students was the founder of an organization that supported survivors of sexual assault. The faculty kept encouraging her to use her own experience of sexual assault as the nexus of her founding story. They nudged her to add a lot of detail that showed her ‘lived experience’.
My fellow student took their advice but kept breaking down during the training and at the final storytelling event. Seeing her heartbroken and crying in front of us, and later in front of an audience, was deeply unsettling. The faculty kept cheering her on and pressuring her to try.
Should I have intervened? It still nags at me to this day that I did not stand up for her.
Dear X,
Even though it’s been a few years, thank you for bringing this up. The science behind storytelling gives it staying power. Even if your experience was a few years ago, it’s likely similar situations happen today.
Before discussing whether or not you should have intervened, it's worth discussing whether your fellow student was put in a harmful situation.
We know from research that personal stories have more staying power than purely fact and number-based arguments. But, in a desire to help your student get more support for her organization, the faculty does seem to have taken this knowledge too literally, and certainly too far.
One of the most used examples of the power of storytelling is of Acumen founder Jacqueline Novogratz. Novogratz donated an old blue sweater in the US, and years later and thousands of miles away, spotted a child wearing it (with her name on the label to prove it). She uses this story to show the connectedness of the world.
There is a big difference between a personal story of an old sweater and a deeply traumatizing experience of sexual assault. The level of intimacy and the invasion of privacy is incomparable.
Making someone relive their trauma time and time again to raise support for her organization sounds like exploitation to me.
It also implies that for us to be involved in any area of social and environmental change, we have to have a personal relationship with that topic. Without a personal story of fleeing violence, can we lead an organization that supports refugees?
The faculty would have been able to offer different alternatives to the personal experience angle. For instance, it could have focussed on the (anonymous) story of someone her organization is supporting. They could have suggested that a mere hint at a personal acquaintance with this issue was enough.
Now, to answer your question - should you have intervened?
Because I believe the faculty pushed this too far, I think an intervention would have been justified. But in the heat of the moment, you might have overstepped. Maybe your fellow student did not want or need anyone to stand up for her. Maybe telling her story fully and openly was important to her, not just to the faculty.
It's hard to say what was the right thing to do at that moment without hearing from her.
You missed the opportunity to intervene, but you still have a chance to make this a learning opportunity for all of us.
Reaching out to the faculty, even years later, might prove useful. You have a chance to make them aware of your perspective, from which they might learn. And the faculty members might share their reasons (if they remember this incident) for why they motivated her the way they did. A conversation between you could help both of you learn from the experience.
If the faculty is not available or unwilling, speaking about this experience publicly (as you are doing by speaking with me) will allow others to learn from it. Challenging a practice that has become the norm is always healthy.
Are you still in touch with the student?
Respectfully asking her what she thought of the experience at the program might be the start of a conversation. Knowing that you were in her camp might be consoling even years later.
It’s also possible that she experiences your empathy as patronizing, making her a victim twice over: of the assault, and of the faculty.
Her story is one of survival and self-empowerment. No one should take the microphone from her to tell her story on their own terms. Proceed with caution.